With the NFL in its “dead zone”, a chance to answer the “real” questions about the league.
Anyone can figure out the “best”. Best team, best player, etc. However, it takes real talent to figure out the “best” of the “worst”. Especially when looking at the NFL owner. Who’s is the worst for this year? Let’s find out.
First off, a quick review of the past 3 winners:
[We skipped over 2022, ‘cause that season was too boring, and we at Totally Not Fake News were too busy celebrating the Astros to care]
As a reminder, we at Totally Not Fake News only use the most scientifically proven/most totally accurate-and-in-no-way-misleading polling mechanisms to determine this “honor”.
With that, on to the contenders for this year:
Brett Coomer/Houston Chronicle via Getty Images
Cal McNair (Houston Texans):
At one point, a perennial favorite. However, things have improved remarkably for Mr. McNair. He ditched Easterby, replacing him with new consigliere Hannah McNair. The Texans are coming off of back-to-back Division titles/Divisional Round appearances. The team is gearing up for another playoff run, and maybe, they might actually breakthrough to a championship. Attendance is back up and overall, the organization is in good shape.
So, what could possibly drag Cal back down into this discussion? The Texans are starting to covet a new stadium. The current lease on NRG Stadium runs out in 2031. While it has served Houston well since its opening in 2002, that will make the facility nearly 30 years old. While all preliminary discussions center on potential options within the greater Houston municipal area, this can make some fans uneasy. In particular, those, uh, more experienced Houston fans remember all-too-well the last time a Houston-based NFL owner started making noise about a new stadium. We’ll have to see if history repeats.
Photo by Nick Cammett/Diamond Images via Getty Images
Jimmy Haslam (Cleveland Browns):
Sure, Haslam appears to have the plans and backing ready for a new stadium in Cleveland, but what sort of team is going to play in that new facility? The trade with Houston for Deshaun Watson continues to age very badly for Cleveland. Now the Browns hope that something emerges from its “stacked” QB room (Pickett, Flacco, Gabriel, Sanders). Watson is not likely to play this season due to a major Achilles injury, but is apparently imparting his wisdom on Sanders. That won’t go wrong, right? The team won’t be rid of the cap pain due to Watson until 2030. They had to significantly overpay to keep Myles Garrett in town, but at the cost of him never getting to the Super Bowl. Will Haslam ever let his fans get there?
Photo by Eric Espada/Getty Images
Art Rooney II (Pittsburgh Steelers):
For once, the ownership of the Steelers is in the discussion. Complaints of major stagnation dog the franchise. They haven’t won a playoff game since 2017 and they’ve made more than a few curious personnel decisions, especially at QB. They continue to produce talented, yet malcontent, WRs they have to ship out at under-market value. This year, Rooney is betting the success of the team on Aaron Rodgers and his 41-year old arm/leg/outside baggage. Oh, and they haven’t offered a new contract to their best player: TJ Watt. Normally the Steelers don’t make the dumb personnel decisions, but are we seeing a return of the “Same Old Steelers”?
Photo by James Gilbert/Getty Images
Shahid Khan (Jacksonville Jaguars):
A team that seemed poised to be a true AFC power is rebuilding yet again, with yet another new head coach. The generational talent of Trevor Lawrence is devolving into Andrew Luck territory without all of the early success. Khan finally fired unpopular/ineffective GM Trent Baalke, but only after a series of embarrassing coaching hire missteps. Fans in that part of the world are more psyched for the Gators and Bulldogs of the SEC vs. the hometown Jags. Major stadium refits are afoot and Khan is promising to take a more active role in team operations. Still, the only good thing for Shahid is that he is outperforming son Tony and the disaster that is AEW.
Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images
Dean Spanos (LA Chargers):
He finally seemed to get a hire right with Jim Harbaugh and the Chargers are putting together a decent squad that might actually challenge the Chiefs in the AFC West. However, Spanos continues to see the Chargers remain the junior partner in LA and he still won’t rename the team. Spanos remains a top-tier douche.
Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images
David Tepper (Carolina Panthers):
His decision to overrule his coaches and draft Bryce Young over CJ Stroud still looks bad. However, Tepper did a smart thing this past season: staying out of the headlines and letting his team do all the playing/talking. After another horrid start, culminating with Young’s benching, the team rebounded in the second half to be a decent squad and Young showed more flashes of that Heisman winning talent from Alabama. Tepper’s business dealings remain sketchy and a leopard doesn’t change spots. However, the less Tepper is in the headlines, the better for him and his team.
Photo by Michael Loccisano/Getty Images
Jerry Jones (Dallas Cowboys):
If Jerry Jones could just remain the businessman/owner, he would never be on this list. Jones’ initial investment of $140M in 1989 to buy the Cowboys has turned into control of the most valuable sports franchise in the world with conservative estimates of team value exceeding $11B. The Cowboys haven’t won a Super Bowl in 30 years, but they still dominate headlines and ratings.
However, Jerruh also plays the role of GM. Herein lies the problem. He tends to overpay for stars, usually after the market drives up the price. His infamous “all-in” remark after an embarrassing playoff loss to the 7th seed Green Bay Packers saw Dallas actually do very little to change a 12-5 team…except letting them fall to 7-10. They kept Mike McCarthy for way too long, and replaced him with…Brian Schottenheimer. They aren’t bereft of talent, but unless Jerry fires the GM, the Cowboys may wander the non-Super Bowl lands longer than the Israelites wandered the desert.
Photo by Wesley Hitt/Getty Images
Amy Adams Strunk (Tennessee Titans):
The Titans are coming off their worst season since the mid-2010s. QB Will Levis only excelled in meme inspiration and a team with playoff ambitions fell apart. At least they netted the #1 overall pick and perhaps Cam Ward could be the guy. Adams Strunk is on her fourth GM this decade, always great for franchise stability. She did manage to secure a new stadium deal, one that will be the envy of the league, and drive up the cost of living in Nashville even higher. Oh, and the homage to Daddy (Hall of Shamer K.S. “Bud” Adams) by wearing the Columbia Blues…well, they went 0-2 against the Texans, and to hid the shame, the Titans are just folding the Columbia Blue color into a new uniform scheme.
Hall of Shame Class of 2025:
Robert “Bob” Irsay (Baltimore/Indianapolis Colts):
For those who are of an older generation, when you mentioned the Colts, you thought of Baltimore. Unitas, Mackey, Donovan. Ameche, the “World’s Largest Outdoor Insane Asylum” of Baltimore Memorial Coliseum, the “Greatest Game Ever Played”…all came to mind when to discussed the Baltimore Colts. The Baltimore Colts held a special place in the heart of their fanbase. Initially, the Colts excelled under the leadership of Carroll Rosenbloom. However, in 1972, as part of a trade/purchase deal, Rosenbloom took over the LA Rams, and Bob Irsay ended up with stewardship of the Colts. However, the fortunes of the Colts immediately faltered. Older stars aged out and left the franchise, and while they had a brief flurry in the mid 1970s, the Colts fell into the lowest tiers of the NFL. His personnel decisions also did not help matters, alienating coaches and players alike. The dysfunction of the Colts came to the forefront with their botched efforts to draft John Elway with the #1 overall pick in 1983. Elway stated that he would rather play baseball vs. QB the Colts. The Colts drafted him anyway, and Elway was all but ready to get fitted for his Yankees jersey. Ultimately, the Colts traded Elway to the Broncos for a pittance, and Irsay validated the perception that he badly ran an organization.
What elevated him from bad owner to Hall-of-Shamer was how he handled the move of the Colts to Indianapolis. After making promises not to move the team, even as he failed to secure new stadium renovations, he just up and moved the team. Facing the prospect of the City of Baltimore seizing the team due to his mismanagement, Irsay bolted first. The footage of Mayflower moving vans carting everything from the Baltimore Colts offices in the middle of a snowy night forever marks Irsay’s memory. It crushed the spirit of Baltimore, leaving the Irsay name cursed within Charm City. Once in Indy, the Colts, after some initial popularity, they failed to achieve any modicum of success until after Bob’s death in 1995. Compared to Bob, his son, the late Jim Irsay (long-time contender in this polling) ranks as the superior owner (his teams actually played well on the field and brought a title and new stadium to Indy).